Tag Archive: manipulation

Because today was a day full of work, and then tonight was a night full of work, and now it is almost today all over again, and I will fuck up today’s work quite thoroughly if I don’t at least pretend I intend to sleep in between.

But there are things that need writing, and will not leave me alone until I acknowledge them.  It’s been a very right-brain-eating-my-face week, and for some very good and very interesting reasons, and some very bad and very interesting ones.  I am sorting through all sorts of flotsam and jetsam, and now here is a list, because that way I can pretend to the things that need writing that I will get to them, at least long enough to sleep.  And maybe, when I wake up again, I will remember what I meant by all this – or, even more interestingly, I will half remember, and make something not-quite-new-but-curiously-rewrought out of the bits.  Upcycled memory.

Words mean things.  It needs writing because it is true.  Because deserve is a blessing and an epithet.  Because need is a plea, a bargain, a comfort, a curse, a coward’s way out, a pretty lie, a naked and trembling truth. Because words mean things, and people mean things by words, and what we mean by things means everything – and when what we mean is not what it means to someone else, things can go very awry, or just very else.

The trouble with torture.  The trouble with torture, O Best Beloved, it’s that it’s predictably and practically pointless to do it to anyone else but one’s very own private, potent, purulently penitent Self.  No one else has the tools to hone the edge of the tool so fine that it cuts precisely where the intent meets the deed, so that the Self is reminded of what it couldn’t be bothered about before any of this silliness began.

Hookers, whores, call girls and storytellers.  We lie.  We all lie.  And the ones of us who are paid the most to lie to other people are paid to do it because our lies sound like something that those people want very, very badly to be true.  Find the truth that your john wants, and feed it out, micron by micron.  Get paid in the coin of your choice for every morsel.  Wrap as much of what you believe or want to be true in it as you can bear – every word that comes out of your cocksucker that you can believe, your john will believe because you believe it, and it will be easier to sell the ones you know are lunacy and pap.  Cut yourself on true words to feed him watered down lies that taste like lifeblood just enough to make him want more.  And while he’s swallowing, pilfer his wallet.  Or tell him why he had the idea to sign the contract.  Where is the line between fantasy and sociopathy?

Brains are tuning forks. Songs are the note to which mine resonates right now.  The shortcut drug is in full effect, and it is digging things up out of trunks long left locked to rust in the dark.  Pieces of Split City are slotting together, and I think I expected that to be a good thing.  It is definitely becoming something very else, though, and I don’t know what I think of that.  I am becoming, slowly, hesitant to think of these things that I am putting words to as part of some linear work.  There are too many parallels, overlaps, whorls.  Plotlines run like fingerprints.  It is confusing, fascinating.  I have told and retold the story of my own life to myself so many times, in so many ways, trying to make sense of it – perhaps I have worn parallel sorts of paths in my brain, so that it creates not single things, but what if bouquets of possibility and potentiality.

We shall see.

I hate “ought to.”

I have a deep and burning well of rage for a lot of things.  One of the biggest categories is the social manipulation inherent in words and phrases like “should,” “ought to,” and “obligated.”  It makes me angry every time I hear someone go through their day, their week, or their life making decisions and engaging based on the ideas of should, ought to, and obligated.  Those are concepts I could do with just never hearing again, and never hearing anyone whose sentience I respect adhering to ever again.

Every time you look at yourself and go “I ought to” or “I should” or “I am obligated” to do something, engage someone, or otherwise modify your behavior or yourself, question it.  Question the fuck out of it.  You know why?  Because should, ought to, and obligated are tools to make you behave better.  They inculcate shame of choice, fear of ramifications for misbehavior, and a desire to conform to a norm that may or may not be healthy or even possible.  It is that inculcation which inspires behavior change, and behavior modification makes you easy to control.

Question it.  Demand logic of it.  Demand rationality out of anything where you are obliged, told you should, or feel like you have to.  Words and phrases that make you behave are designed to make you easier to control, and sentient, sapient beings are inherently healthier when they are less under the manipulative control of an agenda-driven society.

Every time someone tells you that you should behave a certain way, or talk to a certain person, question it.  Ask yourself (or hell, ask them, because it’s a question they need to be prepared to answer) what they want out of you – what they are trying to make you do or be or feel by obliging you to engage in a behavior that would not naturally occur to you.  Socialization is all well and good, but the tools and tricks of obligation are effectively equivalent to emotional blackmail, and everyone should (hah) question anyone who tries to blackmail them into acceptable social behavior.

I don’t give a shit what relation the person obligating you has to you or with you – question their motives and their methods, and question your reasons for acquiescing, if you do.  Don’t do shit that doesn’t make you happy.

That’s what it comes down to, basically – don’t do things because you ought to, or because you should.  Do them because you can take joy in them, and do them in ways that make you happy and fulfill you on some level, be it emotional, mental, spiritual, or otherwise.  Every time you do something today, question it.  Ask yourself how it makes you happy – and if it doesn’t, don’t fucking do it.  Go do the things that make you happy today, and see where it gets you.  Happiness is worth more than any amount of social prowess or political gain, and it is worth dedicating the time to achieve.

You are a person worth making happy.  Remember that, and take it out into your day, and do things based on that premise.  You’ll be amazed what it changes.

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